So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
