Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize