I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize