He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize