Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
