Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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