we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize