Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
