Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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