so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
