Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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