speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
