I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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