drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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