i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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