yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
