Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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