There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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