I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
