ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize