i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
