just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
