Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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