Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
