Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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