i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
