Just fell off a train. Bad.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
