Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
