Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
