moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
