My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm jealous of your bromance
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize