Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize