I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
