i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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