You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize