sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
