Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
