Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize