I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
