hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
