I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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