You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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