He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
