I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
