What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
