i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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