This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize