I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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