so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
