READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
