I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
