I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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