I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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