so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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