Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
