You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
