Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
