Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
