Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
