she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
