he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
