remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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