Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize