I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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