My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
