Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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