she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
