i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
