She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
