you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
