I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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