Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
