I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
