I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
