1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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