I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
