My friends, they love my intelligence
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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