Please, let me fuck your mom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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