do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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